Mummy has died and is RISEN!

Praise the Lord!

I had my own personal encounter with the Lord!!!! It's amazing!!!!

After the last post, I felt that I really needed some time with God. I needed a retreat. I needed a personal touch from God. I kept telling the husband... let's do a retreat. Finally, he agreed to do the Conversion Experience Retreat at Catholic Spirituality Centre. We signed up and were on wait list and the day when I posted on the reflection and regrets of a mama, I got the confirmation that we were in the retreat! Praise God!

I had 2 weeks then, well, thereabout to worry about who's gonna take care of the kids while the hubby and I go for the 4 day stay-in retreat. Most of us with young kids always use the kids as an excuse for such stuff. Hubby was rather worried while at the back of my mind, I told myself there's never a good time... just do it and God will take care of it all! Till the day before, we were wondering what's gonna be the logistics for fetching and sending of the boys to school. I prayed and with a leap of faith, I asked my dad to come stay over for the 4 days to help the helper keep an eye on the boys. Then I gave ample money for the helper to take a cab to and fro the schools and drew maps for her just in case the cabbie decided to take her on a wild goose chase.

We told the boys way ahead, slowly everyday from the time we knew we were going that we were going to Catholic Spirituality Centre for a retreat. The boys started a little drama saying they will miss us and don't want us to go. I then explained to Big Bro Nat that he's the big bro and he must be a good example to the small one so please don't drama drama.

We started packing the night before when the boys were asleep so as not to cause unnecessary anxiety in them. Then that morning, we sent Nat to school together and told him to be a good boy. We returned for Jerry and put him in a cab with the helper. Jerry was holding back his tears and kept saying he did not want me to go. I had to distract him by telling him he had to teach our helper how to go to the school and come home coz the helper has never fetched him to school or from school before. He nodded he would do that and in tears boarded the cab.

Tim and I made our way to the centre. Upon reaching, we were greeted by the ministry people, many of whom we were familiar to coz of our attendance at the weekly Friday growth sessions and 4th Saturday healing masses. Before I could even make my way to the stairs of the dormitory, I already had more than 10 people asking who's taking care of the kids of which I answered, " MY BIG BOSS UP THERE! I have left it in the hands of the Lord."

Unknown to me, our good Lord had a whole lot in store for me! so here's the testimony proper!

First, upon entering the auditorium after I had placed my bags in the dormitory, I was looking for the hubby and found him in the first row right in front of the altar! Praise the Lord! Even in our last retreat, the marriage encounter, it was pretty hard to get the man to sit in the front row. I, on the other hand loved the front rows ever since I came to Catholic Spirituality Centre :P I never was a front row person in school :P but as I drew closer to Christ, I can't seem to get enough of His word and wanted every word loud and clear and in my face! The first day went by quickly.
Second day, as we were lifting our hands in praise and worship, I felt a tingly feeling coming in from my finger tips right through to my arms and feeling all warm. I was like WOW WOW WOW!!!!! I knew it was the HOLY SPIRIT! Then when I was feeling the presence of the Holy Spirit, I heard someone sobbing uncontrollably. I turned around to see and saw this girl sobbing uncontrollably as she danced gracefully around the hall. Though I had attended loads of charismatic prayers, praise and worship and healing sessions, both Catholic and the protestants' ( I have never turned down people's invitations to go experience their church as long as I know it's the same God), I never experienced something like this before. I have seen people resting in the spirit and heard people praying in tongues but I never ever GOT IT myself and so I always wondered how did it feel to rest in the Spirit and did these people train themselves to speak that tongue! Well, it almost sometimes sound the same when they start. So after the session, I immediately went up to the hubby and said "WOW WOW WOW!!!!!! DID YOU FEEL IT????" then I explained what I had just experienced. My husband even kidded me saying that I must have secretly brought the bedpad that had the ions and got myself charged. I went back to my dormitory asking the people in there if anyone had experienced what I just did. I was so convinced that it was the Holy Spirit that was moving around in the auditorium. Someone from my dormitory said she also felt the tingly and warm feeling but did not think much of it and thought she was just feeling warm. That night as I went down to the adoration room from 12 midnight to 1am, I still felt the tingly feeling as I spent that hour with the Blessed Sacrament in the adoration room.

Third day, we fasted and prepared ourselves to walk closer to God. We were told to write a letter to Jesus confessing all our darkest sins. Then we had the stations of the cross and we had to carry the cross. Then we were told we can make our confessions after. There were 125 of us and we were told the non-catholics could also do their confession. Father William also told us that the confessions had curtains so not to worry but if we wanted something more personal, we can request a face to face. We queued a long long time! coz there were so many of us and just 8 priests and all of us probably had lots of sins to confess! They lined the hall's perimeter with chairs and we sat all around the hall and were led to the priests when it was our turn. My husband was right across the hall, a good thirty people in front of me. I was the second last in the queue. When it came to my turn finally, I was led to a room. When the door opened, I almost died! I was like oh sh*&! not only there were no curtains, well, actually there was but it was pushed aside and the Father was exposed and I knew the priest! How to confess????? I did not dare to look at the priest and bowed my head and said "Bless me Father for I have sinned." then I was quite speechless. Not that I had no sins.... but I did not know how to do it! I then took out the letter that I wrote to Jesus from my pocket and started reading from there and injected more stuff here and there. I started to cry and Father reached out for some tissue to hand them to me. As he handed to me the tissue, he took some for himself too, blowing his nose. Somehow, I looked up and saw him gently wiping his own tears too. Then I knew.... Jesus was with me! He knew my pains and He is right there beside me! I realise in my pains and hurts, my sorrow and grief, my shame and sin, Jesus is right there! How great is our God!It was the best confession I have ever made! We were told to do it like a deathbed confession. Then when I finished, I was led to a place to burn my letter to Jesus. As I did that, I cried and cried. I knew God has forgiven me for all that I have done. I felt so sad that I have done all these but yet uplifted knowing that I have a God that loves me no matter what I am and so comforted to know that He was right there beside me! That evening during Praise and Worship, another amazing thing happened! As I lifted my hands up in worship, again, I felt the tingly feeling. I closed my eyes. Then I felt a force gently pulling my hands together and moving forward. Then something was placed in my hands and my hands were gently drawn back to me! AMAZING!!!! Totally awesome!!!! I could even feel it throbbing! It was pulsating! I did not know what was it. I did not open my eyes but I kept saying.... Thank You Lord! Thank You Holy Spirit!!!! That evening as I shared with the others, all were very amazed and they all had their different interpretations. I went into adoration and asked the Lord to tell me what is the gift and how I could serve Him.

Fourth and last day is the most amazing day of my life! Father William gave us talks and told us in the afternoon that was the last instalment! During that pray over, as we sang our praise and worship while the Blessed Sacraent was exposed, I fell forward as I knelt. Was it slain? I wasn't sure. I had my doubts coz when a minister came to whisper to me asking me if I was alright, I got up almost immediately. Then I got up and continued my Praise and Worship and prayer, inviting the Holy Spirit. Father William also asked us to ask for the gifts. Ask for the gift of tongue. Soon, Father came over with the Blessed Sacrament and started to pray over me. I fell. Lying on the floor, I felt as if I was there and yet not there. My eyes were closed. Then, suddenly, my tongue started rolling uncontrollably! It was beyond my control. I could feel a heat entering from my head and very intensely at my face near my right cheek. It felt as though the Lord's Hand was upon me!
I wanted to thank the Lord for giving me the gift of tongue but I could only manage an almost inaudible Thank You Lord and I went into tongues again! The rumbling seemed to come from my stomach! and my tongue rolled uncontrollably! Yeah. WOW! I always thought the people speaking in tongues learnt it. Now I understood how Spirit led it was! It was only in the Holy Spirit's time that the tongue stopped rolling and I was able to get on my feet again. I stood up and continued the praise and worship. After a while, I could feel my right hand shaking. It was shaking so so vigorously! I fell again! This time, I fell with my hands outstretched like being crucified on the cross and my legs were kinda open. A part of me, the conscious part was still ... Oh my goodness, I must look terrible. I could feel it. I felt someone putting my legs together. Then my hands. They tried to put my hands on my chest but my hands sprang back into position! The right hand was still shaking vigorously and uncontrollably. I think they knew they cant put the hands back so they left me. My human pride told me to try to gain control. I tried to lift my right hand up so that I could help myself to my feet but my hand just slammed back to the ground. I tried again and the same thing happened.SLAM! my hand went! I tried another time and the same thing happened! I gave up. This time, I thought let me try the left hand since it is not shaking. I lifted up my left hand and it started shaking and slam back down. Anyway, it wasn't easy at all to try to lift up the hands. I surrendered! I told the Holy Spirit. Holy Spirit, I surrender completely to you. That day during mass, Father said. "When you go home, your son would say. Mummy is dead! Mummy is risen." I looked at Nat who was serving mass then and nodded at him with a smile.

After mass, that day, one of the liturgy minister came and told me that he saw I had the gift and asked me to use it on Jeremiah. He told me to go home and pray for Jere.

That night when we went home, daddy asked Nat what he had noticed about us from the retreat.

Nat said, Mummy is dead! Mummy is Risen!

Indeed! Praise the Lord! I have crucified my old self! The me now is a Risen me! AMEN! PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!

Then before I went to bed that night, I prayed over Jerry and went into tongues. He felt warm throughout that night. In fact, hot! I thought he was running a temperature but No! he wasn't. I took his temperature. I can only conclude it's the Holy Spirit that has filled him.

The next morning, I saw this flower on the table. It was a flower that Jerry had bought on Sunday at Christ the King church at the 1130am mass. It looked really limp and dead. I felt really terrible and sorry coz Jerry had brought that flower to Catholic Spirituality Centre for me. I have just stuffed it away in the backpack as we were busy with mass and testimonies. And by the time I got home Sunday night at eight plus, I was just too tired and had lots to do like putting the kids to bed and arranging for the dad to be sent back so I had left it there on the table and forgotten all about it. So it was kinda all dead, limp and gone on Monday morning. I am sure u can imagine how dead it looked. I should have taken a picture. I felt so sorry and sad looking at it. I told the helper to put the flower in some water and try to see whatever life more it had to bring it out, hopefully it can be revived. I left the house then to bring jerry to school. that was 8 plus in the morning. When I returned at 1 plus, I could hardly believed my eyes! The flower had bloomed so beautifully that even the helper couldn't believe it! It still remains in its vase today (Friday ) except a little wilted now. As the helper and I wowed over it, I told the helper.... even the flower is given new life. We are more precious than the flowers! AMEN!
The hub, also, usually very tired after a retreat would head straight to bed but after this retreat, he was so spirit-filled that he went on and on talking to the helper together with me till past midnight. The husband and I had decided on our way home from the retreat that we were going to pay for the helper and let her attend the next CER. Just that she got her inhibitions as she is worried that she may have to do things that she would not like to do as before she came to Singapore, she has steered towards the protestants. Though she said she's not baptised in the protestant church, her almost two years here, the only time i see her make the sign of the cross is when she guide my little one's hands to do the sign of the cross. I pray that the Holy Spirit would touch her in His own ways and clear her doubts. I told her, no one can force her to do anything as I have heard people of other faith also were at the retreat I was at. I believe.

It has been the most awesome experience I have had in my so many years of being a Catholic and I urge all of you reading this if you want a personal touch from God, do give this a shot! Our God is a loving, merciful and compassionate God.Praise the Lord!

How great is our God! Thank You Lord!