Mummy has died and is RISEN!

Praise the Lord!

I had my own personal encounter with the Lord!!!! It's amazing!!!!

After the last post, I felt that I really needed some time with God. I needed a retreat. I needed a personal touch from God. I kept telling the husband... let's do a retreat. Finally, he agreed to do the Conversion Experience Retreat at Catholic Spirituality Centre. We signed up and were on wait list and the day when I posted on the reflection and regrets of a mama, I got the confirmation that we were in the retreat! Praise God!

I had 2 weeks then, well, thereabout to worry about who's gonna take care of the kids while the hubby and I go for the 4 day stay-in retreat. Most of us with young kids always use the kids as an excuse for such stuff. Hubby was rather worried while at the back of my mind, I told myself there's never a good time... just do it and God will take care of it all! Till the day before, we were wondering what's gonna be the logistics for fetching and sending of the boys to school. I prayed and with a leap of faith, I asked my dad to come stay over for the 4 days to help the helper keep an eye on the boys. Then I gave ample money for the helper to take a cab to and fro the schools and drew maps for her just in case the cabbie decided to take her on a wild goose chase.

We told the boys way ahead, slowly everyday from the time we knew we were going that we were going to Catholic Spirituality Centre for a retreat. The boys started a little drama saying they will miss us and don't want us to go. I then explained to Big Bro Nat that he's the big bro and he must be a good example to the small one so please don't drama drama.

We started packing the night before when the boys were asleep so as not to cause unnecessary anxiety in them. Then that morning, we sent Nat to school together and told him to be a good boy. We returned for Jerry and put him in a cab with the helper. Jerry was holding back his tears and kept saying he did not want me to go. I had to distract him by telling him he had to teach our helper how to go to the school and come home coz the helper has never fetched him to school or from school before. He nodded he would do that and in tears boarded the cab.

Tim and I made our way to the centre. Upon reaching, we were greeted by the ministry people, many of whom we were familiar to coz of our attendance at the weekly Friday growth sessions and 4th Saturday healing masses. Before I could even make my way to the stairs of the dormitory, I already had more than 10 people asking who's taking care of the kids of which I answered, " MY BIG BOSS UP THERE! I have left it in the hands of the Lord."

Unknown to me, our good Lord had a whole lot in store for me! so here's the testimony proper!

First, upon entering the auditorium after I had placed my bags in the dormitory, I was looking for the hubby and found him in the first row right in front of the altar! Praise the Lord! Even in our last retreat, the marriage encounter, it was pretty hard to get the man to sit in the front row. I, on the other hand loved the front rows ever since I came to Catholic Spirituality Centre :P I never was a front row person in school :P but as I drew closer to Christ, I can't seem to get enough of His word and wanted every word loud and clear and in my face! The first day went by quickly.
Second day, as we were lifting our hands in praise and worship, I felt a tingly feeling coming in from my finger tips right through to my arms and feeling all warm. I was like WOW WOW WOW!!!!! I knew it was the HOLY SPIRIT! Then when I was feeling the presence of the Holy Spirit, I heard someone sobbing uncontrollably. I turned around to see and saw this girl sobbing uncontrollably as she danced gracefully around the hall. Though I had attended loads of charismatic prayers, praise and worship and healing sessions, both Catholic and the protestants' ( I have never turned down people's invitations to go experience their church as long as I know it's the same God), I never experienced something like this before. I have seen people resting in the spirit and heard people praying in tongues but I never ever GOT IT myself and so I always wondered how did it feel to rest in the Spirit and did these people train themselves to speak that tongue! Well, it almost sometimes sound the same when they start. So after the session, I immediately went up to the hubby and said "WOW WOW WOW!!!!!! DID YOU FEEL IT????" then I explained what I had just experienced. My husband even kidded me saying that I must have secretly brought the bedpad that had the ions and got myself charged. I went back to my dormitory asking the people in there if anyone had experienced what I just did. I was so convinced that it was the Holy Spirit that was moving around in the auditorium. Someone from my dormitory said she also felt the tingly and warm feeling but did not think much of it and thought she was just feeling warm. That night as I went down to the adoration room from 12 midnight to 1am, I still felt the tingly feeling as I spent that hour with the Blessed Sacrament in the adoration room.

Third day, we fasted and prepared ourselves to walk closer to God. We were told to write a letter to Jesus confessing all our darkest sins. Then we had the stations of the cross and we had to carry the cross. Then we were told we can make our confessions after. There were 125 of us and we were told the non-catholics could also do their confession. Father William also told us that the confessions had curtains so not to worry but if we wanted something more personal, we can request a face to face. We queued a long long time! coz there were so many of us and just 8 priests and all of us probably had lots of sins to confess! They lined the hall's perimeter with chairs and we sat all around the hall and were led to the priests when it was our turn. My husband was right across the hall, a good thirty people in front of me. I was the second last in the queue. When it came to my turn finally, I was led to a room. When the door opened, I almost died! I was like oh sh*&! not only there were no curtains, well, actually there was but it was pushed aside and the Father was exposed and I knew the priest! How to confess????? I did not dare to look at the priest and bowed my head and said "Bless me Father for I have sinned." then I was quite speechless. Not that I had no sins.... but I did not know how to do it! I then took out the letter that I wrote to Jesus from my pocket and started reading from there and injected more stuff here and there. I started to cry and Father reached out for some tissue to hand them to me. As he handed to me the tissue, he took some for himself too, blowing his nose. Somehow, I looked up and saw him gently wiping his own tears too. Then I knew.... Jesus was with me! He knew my pains and He is right there beside me! I realise in my pains and hurts, my sorrow and grief, my shame and sin, Jesus is right there! How great is our God!It was the best confession I have ever made! We were told to do it like a deathbed confession. Then when I finished, I was led to a place to burn my letter to Jesus. As I did that, I cried and cried. I knew God has forgiven me for all that I have done. I felt so sad that I have done all these but yet uplifted knowing that I have a God that loves me no matter what I am and so comforted to know that He was right there beside me! That evening during Praise and Worship, another amazing thing happened! As I lifted my hands up in worship, again, I felt the tingly feeling. I closed my eyes. Then I felt a force gently pulling my hands together and moving forward. Then something was placed in my hands and my hands were gently drawn back to me! AMAZING!!!! Totally awesome!!!! I could even feel it throbbing! It was pulsating! I did not know what was it. I did not open my eyes but I kept saying.... Thank You Lord! Thank You Holy Spirit!!!! That evening as I shared with the others, all were very amazed and they all had their different interpretations. I went into adoration and asked the Lord to tell me what is the gift and how I could serve Him.

Fourth and last day is the most amazing day of my life! Father William gave us talks and told us in the afternoon that was the last instalment! During that pray over, as we sang our praise and worship while the Blessed Sacraent was exposed, I fell forward as I knelt. Was it slain? I wasn't sure. I had my doubts coz when a minister came to whisper to me asking me if I was alright, I got up almost immediately. Then I got up and continued my Praise and Worship and prayer, inviting the Holy Spirit. Father William also asked us to ask for the gifts. Ask for the gift of tongue. Soon, Father came over with the Blessed Sacrament and started to pray over me. I fell. Lying on the floor, I felt as if I was there and yet not there. My eyes were closed. Then, suddenly, my tongue started rolling uncontrollably! It was beyond my control. I could feel a heat entering from my head and very intensely at my face near my right cheek. It felt as though the Lord's Hand was upon me!
I wanted to thank the Lord for giving me the gift of tongue but I could only manage an almost inaudible Thank You Lord and I went into tongues again! The rumbling seemed to come from my stomach! and my tongue rolled uncontrollably! Yeah. WOW! I always thought the people speaking in tongues learnt it. Now I understood how Spirit led it was! It was only in the Holy Spirit's time that the tongue stopped rolling and I was able to get on my feet again. I stood up and continued the praise and worship. After a while, I could feel my right hand shaking. It was shaking so so vigorously! I fell again! This time, I fell with my hands outstretched like being crucified on the cross and my legs were kinda open. A part of me, the conscious part was still ... Oh my goodness, I must look terrible. I could feel it. I felt someone putting my legs together. Then my hands. They tried to put my hands on my chest but my hands sprang back into position! The right hand was still shaking vigorously and uncontrollably. I think they knew they cant put the hands back so they left me. My human pride told me to try to gain control. I tried to lift my right hand up so that I could help myself to my feet but my hand just slammed back to the ground. I tried again and the same thing happened.SLAM! my hand went! I tried another time and the same thing happened! I gave up. This time, I thought let me try the left hand since it is not shaking. I lifted up my left hand and it started shaking and slam back down. Anyway, it wasn't easy at all to try to lift up the hands. I surrendered! I told the Holy Spirit. Holy Spirit, I surrender completely to you. That day during mass, Father said. "When you go home, your son would say. Mummy is dead! Mummy is risen." I looked at Nat who was serving mass then and nodded at him with a smile.

After mass, that day, one of the liturgy minister came and told me that he saw I had the gift and asked me to use it on Jeremiah. He told me to go home and pray for Jere.

That night when we went home, daddy asked Nat what he had noticed about us from the retreat.

Nat said, Mummy is dead! Mummy is Risen!

Indeed! Praise the Lord! I have crucified my old self! The me now is a Risen me! AMEN! PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!

Then before I went to bed that night, I prayed over Jerry and went into tongues. He felt warm throughout that night. In fact, hot! I thought he was running a temperature but No! he wasn't. I took his temperature. I can only conclude it's the Holy Spirit that has filled him.

The next morning, I saw this flower on the table. It was a flower that Jerry had bought on Sunday at Christ the King church at the 1130am mass. It looked really limp and dead. I felt really terrible and sorry coz Jerry had brought that flower to Catholic Spirituality Centre for me. I have just stuffed it away in the backpack as we were busy with mass and testimonies. And by the time I got home Sunday night at eight plus, I was just too tired and had lots to do like putting the kids to bed and arranging for the dad to be sent back so I had left it there on the table and forgotten all about it. So it was kinda all dead, limp and gone on Monday morning. I am sure u can imagine how dead it looked. I should have taken a picture. I felt so sorry and sad looking at it. I told the helper to put the flower in some water and try to see whatever life more it had to bring it out, hopefully it can be revived. I left the house then to bring jerry to school. that was 8 plus in the morning. When I returned at 1 plus, I could hardly believed my eyes! The flower had bloomed so beautifully that even the helper couldn't believe it! It still remains in its vase today (Friday ) except a little wilted now. As the helper and I wowed over it, I told the helper.... even the flower is given new life. We are more precious than the flowers! AMEN!
The hub, also, usually very tired after a retreat would head straight to bed but after this retreat, he was so spirit-filled that he went on and on talking to the helper together with me till past midnight. The husband and I had decided on our way home from the retreat that we were going to pay for the helper and let her attend the next CER. Just that she got her inhibitions as she is worried that she may have to do things that she would not like to do as before she came to Singapore, she has steered towards the protestants. Though she said she's not baptised in the protestant church, her almost two years here, the only time i see her make the sign of the cross is when she guide my little one's hands to do the sign of the cross. I pray that the Holy Spirit would touch her in His own ways and clear her doubts. I told her, no one can force her to do anything as I have heard people of other faith also were at the retreat I was at. I believe.

It has been the most awesome experience I have had in my so many years of being a Catholic and I urge all of you reading this if you want a personal touch from God, do give this a shot! Our God is a loving, merciful and compassionate God.Praise the Lord!

How great is our God! Thank You Lord!

A Reflection... Putting myself in the kids' shoes...

With a little regret I pen this, reminding myself that I have to move from here and not get stuck. Originally, I had wanted to blog on Nat's blog but somehow feel that this is something more of a mother's thoughts.

Nat is fast growing up. He is turning 8 this year. I am so guilty as charged for "neglect" of Nat since Jere came about. Thank God I am conscious about it and want to do something about it. God sent His angels to me time and again to remind me what I have done or rather what I have not done for Nat.

There's so much joy in bringing up kids. We just gotta focus on what they have done and not what they have not done. Just like what I always tell Jere "Look at what you are able to do and not what you are not able to do" whenever he asks me "Why mummy? Why I cannot walk?" Yet, I always look at Nat and scream at him for the things he has yet to achieve for me.... like when are you gonna see the dentist and get those rotten teeth fixed? When are you gonna start behaving and stop all your nonsense in school? When am I gonna stop getting the complaints from your teachers?????

I look at my two boys. Both are my own. One well and one not quite. It almost seems natural to lean towards the not quite well child and help him in almost everything I could, almost feeling that it's my fault that he is not walking and he is not well and taking for granted that the well child can only get better without my help at all. It never ever occurred to me that my well child was regressing! What are you thinking mummy?????

Of late, I look at Nat and feel that tinge of regret and sadness. He has definitely been neglected much as Tim and I have denied. We try to give him as much as we can... but most of the times I must say is of material stuff. Yes, we fetch him to school, fetch him from school, give him all the extra curricular activities he asked for, namely golf, piano, swimming, violin.... He asked to join the altar servers at Catholic Spiritual Centre and Christ the King and we let him join. He goes for Kumon English and some Chinese Fun Class in Jere's school but the boy seems not too happy. He's lost the sparkle that I used to see. Last Sunday, Nat wet his bed again! This bet-wetting thing had started since Jerry's coming. He used to be dry since he was one plus! then all of it came back when he was about 4. This time, he did not just wet his bed. He even wet himself after mass. Is there a fear in him, too much to handle? Is he going through extreme stress?

He seems to want our attention more than anything else. He's starting to act up a lot in school. Not handing up his art work for 6 weeks. Why haven't we noticed? He told us that he need not hand up those work as he brought them back week after week and yes we took it as that. Making funny noises in class and distracting his friends during lessons to the point that the form teacher called to say she may have to take him to the Discipline Master. Is this all a result of a lacking of attention? or what the teacher say a symptom of a hyper-active child? I am so frus when I see all these happening that I just wanna scream and punish him each time the teacher complains. I was dealing with the boy not wanting to co-operate with the dentist since last year. But has it ever occurred to me that this was all happening because deep down inside, he was really fearful and insecure? Maybe he just wanted more love and attention from his daddy and mummy? Is it a fault to want the love of mummy and daddy just as how they seem to love the little brother? Is it a fault to feel this sense of insecurity? This child is not even eight years old and it must have been too much for him to handle himself. Poor child.

When I am stressed, I can talk back to my boss... which is dear husband since I am a stay at home mum (sahm). I can go get some chocolates in the refridgerator or chips from the cabinets as comfort food. I have my friends to talk to. I know how to seek God in prayer. But our children are not able to do all these! They can't talk back to us. They would have gotten that tight slap for sure. They can't reach out for any comfort food as all those are controlled food for their age. They don't have friends who could listen and advise at that age. They also have not been taught enough to seek God in prayer and contemplation.

Looking at Nat, he is like any other being, wanting to be accepted. He carries around toys he thinks as cool to be more secure and confident. Guess that is his comfort too. He can't talk back at us adults so he snaps at Jere whenever he has that opportunity and that doesn't help at all coz in the process, Jere learns to speak nasty too and we parents get mad at Nat coz he snaps at Jere first.... but have we slowed down to think why did he snap in the first place? He misbehaves and gets some attention though not quite the right kind of attention. He can't seek junk food for comfort to release the stress he is experiencing. His relationship with me, his mummy is a love hate one. He loves me coz I am his mummy, I suppose. I give and provide him a lot, if not all of the stuff that he needs and wants. He hates me for the discipline I deliver. From the horse's mouth itself I got that "mummy don't like me. mummy don't love me." Nat probably does not understand at all when I scream or punish him. He just understands it as hurt. And yes, I may have hurt him both physically and emotionally. It sounds a tad too serious and scary... and yes, sometimes we parents may have done that without realising it. Kids these days are more aware and sensitive. Neither do I understand my outbursts too at times. Have I neglected my prayer life, meditation and contemplation?

How to fix all these?
1. I have to fix myself. Put aside fixed and regular time for prayer, meditation and contemplation.
2. Reconcile with Nat. Heal all those hurts. Just like what Father William always say, we should have our "penitential service" with our spouse and our children.
3. Reconnect with Nat. Do not take for granted his well-being. Set time for Nat.

Nat, I love you and your brother Jeremiah. I pray that I will be a good mother to you children. Thank You Lord Jesus for giving us Mary to be our mother as You said to John "Behold your mother". Lord Jesus, help me in my role of motherhood to maintain an attitude of trust and confidence in God as Mary did. Father Lord, You have plans for these children, help me to be like Mother Mary, how she went through the pain in sharing so closely the mission of her divine son. Father Lord, fill me up and make me whole.

Like the woman at the well I was seeking
For things that could not satisfy;
And then I heard my Savior speaking:
"Draw from my well that never shall run dry".

Fill my cup Lord, I lift it up, Lord!
Come and quench this thirsting of my soul.
Bread of heaven, feed me till I want no more.
Fill my cup, fill it up and make me whole!

There are millions in this world who are craving
The pleasures earthly things afford.
But none can match the wondrous treasure
That I find in Jesus Christ my Lord.

Fill my cup Lord, I lift it up, Lord!
Come and quench this thirsting of my soul.
Bread of heaven, feed me till I want no more.
Fill my cup, fill it up and make me whole!

So, my brother, if the things this world gave you
Leave hungers that won't pass away,
My blessed Lord will come and save you,
If you kneel to Him and humbly pray:

Fill my cup Lord, I lift it up, Lord!
Come and quench this thirsting of my soul.
Bread of heaven, feed me till I want no more.
Fill my cup, fill it up and make me whole!

2 tests in 2 days' time

Please keep us in prayers.

Please pray that the procedures will be smooth and the results would be positively good.
AMEN!

Blessed Easter Everyone!

Our family attended our first triduum at Catholic Spiritual Centre over the Good Friday Weekend.
We had the Seder meal on Holy Thursday, attended the Good Friday Mass, and the Easter Mass and party all there!

It's amazing how God has brought us closer to Him through our children. We were first led to Catholic Spiritual Centre (CSC) by Jeremiah, our little one when he was born coz people suggested we take him to the 4th Saturday healing mass at CSC. Then last year 2009, it was announced that they needed altar servers there. Nat was keen and for once, daddy was ready to commit to bringing the boy to the trainings and all that... and so we became more committed to that place. Nat started to serve in more masses and our family started to go there more. God sure works in His own amazing ways!

This Easter, Nat also did his debut serve in Christ the King Church. Nat also told mummy this.....

Nat: Mummy, I don't want to get married next time. I want to be like Father William. I want to train under him and be a good priest like him.

I smiled and said.... PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!

Jerry watches his brother Nat serve mass and start to join his hands and bow and swing whatever he gets on his hands saying he is doing the incensing.... I know this little one can't wait to grow up, stand and walk and serve the Lord.

so we bring him to his Catechesis of the Good Shepherd every Sunday and recently, he is learning the colours



learn it well, Jerry. You're on your way... You'll have no problem when you enter the vestry next time *wink*

Kungfu Panda!

Jerry was playing with his kungfu panda toys that we got from Mac's sometimes back. He put them all in position, all in that kungfu stance, all lined up nicely. You know the kungfu stance that these toys all have, with at least one hand raised. Then Jerry shouted to us all and said....
"Look! they are all singing praise and worship!"
and Jerry went "Alleluia! Alleluia!"

I was struck! I was like OH WOW! It's amazing how my little one see a kungfu stance to one of singing praise and worship. Yes! I am so amazed!

Thank you Lord for blessing me with this little one!

How God watches over us!

Thank You Lord!
We were asked to share our bite size of testimony in our friday budding aka cell group and my dear wifey shared about how our good Lord had protected Jeremiah.

It happened on that day that i took half a day off to join michele in speaking to Father Adam, a priest from Hong Kong who travels here once a year to share about how to manage a program for Jeremiah's home education. Jeremiah was having lotsa of fun playing pretend drum performance for Father Adam : ) when he suddenly lost his balance and fell forward out of his stroller. Mummy had just placed him back in his stroller without buckling him up as he had been wanting to come out and sit back in his stroller and fussing as we had a three hour or even more session with Father Adam. Thank God Jere managed to break the fall with his hands as he fell out headfirst out of his stroller. Thank You Lord for your protection over Jeremiah!

We were very inspired to do more for Jere. Managed to download the recommended read "What to do when we do not have a doctor" at Hesperian Foundation website.

A comment that Father mentioned that stuck with me "Jeremiah is a special child, a miracle from God that brings the whole family together stronger". Thank God for guiding us there.

Mummy, Can I bless the people?

It was a hot Saturday afternoon and as usual, after the session. we went to the front and mummy dipped Jere's little right hand in the holy water and guided him with the sign of the cross. After Jere finished with his sign of the cross, his little hands was still quite wet with the holy water.
Jere: Mummy, I still got holy water.
Flinging his little hand at the people around, Jere asked," Mummy can I bless the people?"

What song is Jere singing now?

No other name but the name of Jesus
No other name but the name of the Lord;
No other name but the name of Jesus
Is worthy of glory, and worthy of honour,
and worthy of power and all praise.


yes! thanks be to God He sent a wonderful helper, Gina who helps me with the house and the children and teaches Jere all these wonderful praise and worship :)

The Clean Intermittent Catheterisation Training

After much pressure from the doctors for some 2 and half years since Jeremiah's birth, I finally succumbed. I agreed to go for the training for this catheter thing.

However, I told the doctor that I will like to take it slow and at my pace. Dr and nurses all said no problem, anything for me. Yes, those were their exact words.
"No Problem Mummy. Anything for you mummy."
In fact they even said, "This is the best Chinese New Year gift for us!"
I was kinda miffed at what's the connection.
Nevertheless, I told them that I would like the nurses to do it once a day for one week and I like to see with the professionals doing it, were there any implications. Then I would do it the following week if I was comfortable with it. Then, if I was all ready to take it on my own then I would start it at home. The professionals agreed with the "No Problem Mummy. Anything for you mummy." one echoing another.

We set the date for the 10th of February, right after Chinese New Year as promised. I went to the hospital with Jeremiah and my helper, Gina who was all ready to see and learn. The staff nurse did the thing and asked us to return tomorrow. We were charged $12.50 for the thing. 11th February, we returned, the staff nurse said we should do it hands on. Then, I asked would I be charged $12.50 everyday like that, she then said if the nurses did it, we had to be charged. Okie. I wasn't told that. So it would be a good sixty over dollars if I had the nurses do it for one week. So I was ask to DIY. I was made to do it. Jeremiah's penis looked red and raw. I sounded my concern and the nurse said if it was a concern, the dr would prescribe some steroidal antibiotics cream to get the redness away. *sigh* We were told to return tomorrow and this time for the helper to try. I went home telling the hubby I was not comfortable about Jere's penis turning red and raw and Tim said something to the effect of not doing it if I was not at peace.

Somehow, the next day and after we did not return to the hospital. Was it the right thing or not? I don't know.

Yesterday, Monday, start of a new week, the nurse called again to ask why we did not return. On Thursday we did not return frankly was because Jere had a fall and was not in the best of moods. Friday, I just did not feel I was up to it.

Today, Tuesday, I asked Jere should we return, he said no. I asked the hubby should we return, he said let's pray about it and let the Holy Spirit guide us.

Please pray for our course of action.

Lord be my guide.

Confessions of the busy mama

I was knocked out of my sleep at 2.30am with the heat and just could not get back to sleep and was led here to blog my so long overdue post.

Pardon me if I do sound incoherent as it is now like 3am in the morning.

Frankly, I was drained. Overwhelmed. Caught up in my own world. So absorbed in my own challenges and trials that I forgot how much the good Lord has already done in our lives.

Guilt has also a part of knocking me out of sweet slumber as I know I had to do this.

I am feeling so guilty that I was knocked out of my sleep as I kept thinking how I had started this blog wanting to share my faith in Christ after the birth of Jeremiah and what we had and still going through with him but yet many a times I was almost unforgiving about how the drs had dealt with us till it came to a point that I stopped blogging. It's been like months since I did a proper post.

I forgot my first call to evangelize. I ignored the continuous nudges, the continuous prompting of the Holy Spirit. Really! There's so much noise in this world that God's soft prompting is sometimes so easily ignored.

Of course, God worked in His most amazing and wondrous ways. He called again, again and again. Finally, all I can say is "Here I am Lord. Send Me!"

The last nudge that hit me is from the earth angel Eunice and thank you Lord for sending her :)

Last week, after the Chinese New Year was over, I decided to take up the challenge of the 3-4 hourly catheter thing for Jeremiah. Frankly, I was still in much chaos in my heart about the decision. I went to the hospital and waited outside the treatment room at the Children's Surgery Centre waiting to be trained in the thing that I had dreaded so much. Maybe the people in the medical field would think cathetering a spina bifida kid every 3 to 4 hourly would have been the best option taken but to a normal mother like me, it pains me. Yes, it does. Imagine putting a catheter into the penis of a 2 and half year old every 3 to 4 hourly. In case, some of you still do not know what is a catheter, it's a fine tube being inserted through the penis, through the urethra into the urinary bladder to drain the urine. Why is it needed? According to the doctors professional point of view, this catheterization is useful when one is unable to fully empty the urinary bladder and Jeremiah is thought of this way by the doctors that he is unable to do so due to a supposed neurogenic bladder from his open neural tube defect. As I stood outside the room waiting, the mobile rang. It was from the social worker, Eunice of Club Rainbow. We had a short chat and she kinda lightened the mood before we entered the room. Eunice had wanted to meet up with us to give us some milk and diapers but I declined as Jere was allergic to cow's milk and as for his diapers, the little one had expensive bum since birth as we tried cheaper diaper alternatives from the pampers active and the little one had so bad diaper rash till his bum was raw. Then I passed the mobile to the little one to chat and thank Eunice for her kind thoughts.
Eunice: Jere, what do you like to drink?
Jere: (cheekily with a grin on his face) Milo and Coffee.
I was like what??? Jere, you don't drink coffee. Ok, the little one was trying to be a little cheeky. Jere laughed.
We hung up soon as we were next into the room but the coffee line certainly got us all laughing. After we were done that day and went to the pharmacy to get Jere's supply of antibiotics, Eunice called again to check where were we and guess what? The angel appeared with 2 big packs of diapers, a big tin of Milo, a book for Jeremiah and a catholic digest for me. I thought her thoughts and actions were the biggest! It was so sweet and it touched me so, telling me God is so with us on this journey. I was so not looking forward to this catheter training but the phone call itself so reminded me of God's presence and Eunice coming down with all the gifts was almost like an angel sent by Him to tell us He is with us throught it all. Especially with the digest. The digest was called "the WORD among us" has helped to wake me from my self absorption and shallowness. I had started this blog to proclaim His word, to glorify His name since Jere's birth but somehow at the end of last year, along the way I got absorbed into the noise of the world, I conveniently forgot to give glory to Him who has already done so much for us. I know there are many people we see everyday that need to hear us witness to our faith. I told myself then that i gonna revive my somehow dead blog with my very own experiences of the Lord and His working in my heart and mind. Indeed He works in His mysterious ways. How great is our God! When I shared this with Eunice, she told me that when she called me, she was actually prompted by a line she came across in Joyce Rupp's book which she was reading. She had cited Jeremiah 29:11. Praise God! He works in wondrous ways! and yes I always proclaim the promise that our good Lord has plans for us especially Jeremiah. Plans to prosper not to destroy. AMEN!

In the last few months of last year, I was caught up in bouts of infection of Jeremiah and all the procedures that followed till daddy Tim got a little tired over the whole thing of medical, medical and medical that he packed us all up in his biz trip to Macau. I was reluctant to spend the money, all around us rallied for the trip telling us it was time we take a good break and off we went. Thank you Lord for that good break as we ferried over to Hong Kong and the kids had a great time in Disneyland including me :P Yeah! more than 30 yrs on earth and it was my first to Disney :) and there is so much more to give thanks! I'll do this in another post.

Thank You Lord for bringing me back!

Blessed New Year

To all of u reading!
I was lying in bed and thinking I should blog something to wrap up the year
I prayed for the Lord's guidance and here it is...
Somehow this song jus ringing in me as I think of myself, Jere, the people at Clouds of Praise......
so i thought i might as well put it down to share it.
for those who play the guitar, here's the chords as well

As Bread That Is Broken
A F#m
Many hearts are hungry tonight
Bm A
Many trapped in darkness
D E
Yearn for the light
F#m Bm
So many who are far from home
D
And many who are lost
A D
O Lord Your wounded children need
Bm E
The power of Your cross


Chrous:
A
As bread that is broken
D Bm
Use our lives
E
As wine that is poured out
D A
A willing sacrifice

Empower us Father
D Bm
To share the love of Christ
A D
As bread that is broken Lord
F#m E A
Use our lives



Help us to begin where we are
Help us love the people
Near to our hearts
Then give our faith a mission field
Wherever You may call
Lord love Your world
Through each of us
Until we've touched them all

( Repeat Chorus Twice )

As wine that is poured out
As bread that is broken Lord
Use our lives

I think this song is just so beautiful! so meaningful! and yes, Lord, Use our lives!

Saturday.... Results????

I tried to call all morning but no one answered the phone.

Lord, I come to you in Jesus' name and submit Jeremiah to You. Jeremiah's our beautiful gift from You, Father. Thank you Lord for this precious gift of this child. Lord, I know that You have given Jeremiah to me to care for and raise. Help me then Lord to do that. Show me places where I continue to hang on for him and enable me to release him into your care and protection. Help me Lord not to live in fear of possible dangers, but in the joy and peace of knowing that You are in control and this day I release my child, Jeremiah into Your hands and trust my child to You. I know that You are in control Lord. You alone know what is best for him. You alone know what he needs. I commit myself to pray for everything concerning him that I can think of or that You put upon my heart. Teach me then Lord how to pray and guide me in what to pray about. Help me not to impose my own will but Yours be done in his life when I'm praying for Jeremiah.
I thank You Father that I don't have to rely on the world's unreliable and ever-changing methods for child rearing but that I can have clear directions from Your Word and wisdom as I pray to You for answers.
Thank You Lord. Praise you Lord! AMEN!

Somehow, I feel a kinda peace. I think this peace would not have descended upon me if I had not released it to God and ask Him to be in charge. I thank you all you prayer partners that have been with me.

You shall go out with joy and be led forth with peace
the mountains and the hills shall break forth before you
there'll be shouts of joy
and all the trees of the fields
will clap will clap their hands ...


and all the trees of the fields will clap their hands
the trees of the fields will clap their hands (2X)
will clap will clap their hands ...

Yes. God will make a way.

This just released me to see to the rest of the things I so needed to do. Today's Korkor Nat's graduation! Gotta run to Nat's Graduation!
Yes! God is in control.

He can turn the tides and calm the angry seas.

Yes. He can be everywhere, know everything. and He will take care of Jere. Thank You Lord. Jere will be well! AMEN!

I want to say something....

Jere said the above as we were praying the closing prayer after our therapy program.

Every Wednesday, I take Jere to Clouds of Praise to have some exercise, in other words, therapy. We usually start and end the session with a prayer and a song of praise.

This time, after the session when we were saying the closing prayer and everyone said their bit, Jere went....

"I WANNA SAY SOMETHING...."

Marcus korkor who was beside him heard him and said it out so his mum Cassey went, "Yes, Jere you wanna say something?"

Jere nodded and went, "JESUS, HELP ME TO STAND. HELP ME TO WALK. BLESS THE CHILDREN HERE AND MUMMY. AMEN"

My eyes welled up and rolled down uncontrollably. I always get emotional when Jere speaks like that.

Lord, you hear the cry of the child Lord. Jere has asked, Lord. Let Jere receive, Lord. RESTORE JERE LORD. HEAR THE MOTHER'S CRY NOW LORD. Thank you Lord. AMEN!

Blessed Wednesday

It's amazing how where we always go, we feel His presence so strongly.

This is the second Wednesday where we spend our afternoon up on the third floor of a shophouse in HongKong Street to do our physical program with Jere. I remember the first time when we stepped out of there, my dear husband said, it felt like the apostles worshipping up at the attic. Somehow, we were led here to spend our afternoon every Wednesday. The place is run by a church ministry. All very kind people doing it out of love. The children and parents we have met there are really amazing. They also got a really beautiful name called CLOUDS OF PRAISE. They start and end each session with a prayer and a song of praise in chinese and the cutest thing is Jere sings with them. Jere will go 赞美主(Praise the Lord!) Alleluia! and 因主爱我! (because He loves me!)

After the session, I went one street down and bought the boys a plate of hor fun and fed them their dinner. After feeding them, I took a walk with them to Peninsula Plaza to buy the organic eczema oil for Jere. It seemed to be the only oil right now that is working for him. Jere's eczema flared up so so bad after I used the aqueous cream prescribed by the drs. Usually I would have tested whatever I was using on a small segment but when I applied that cream on Jere, somehow, I don't know why, I just heeded the advise from the dr and pharmacist of applying it liberally all over and the next thing I know, Jere's skin flared so bad that he looked like he was burnt from head to toe. If his urologist had seen him, she would have immediately got me locked up and not just accuse me of neglect and abuse. We prayed and prayed about it. We were so worried but yet we did not dare to make any appointment with any dr to review it as we were afraid they were just gonna give more steroids and things that would do Jere harm. Then last Tuesday, someone told me to go to peninsula to look for a timer that I needed for Jere's program activities and somehow instead of finding the timer, I ended up at this organic shop called Eden and got my hands on the eczema oil that did wonders for Jere. It was the only oil that Jere would allow us to apply on his face to clear the eczema. Thank God for that! Yesterday when we were at the Eden organic shop to buy the eczema oil again, the boss and his wife so very kindly suggested praying for Jere. Frankie the boss started the prayer saying, "Lord, it's by no coincidence that this mummy here brought in her son to get something for her son's eczema..... " then they laid hands and prayed over Jere. Tears welled in my eyes as they prayed. It just made me feel that every step we were taking, God is with us. People always asked me, "What do you mean you don't have peace to do it?" It's this. God's peace just transcends when He's with you.

After that, Tim came to fetch us and the kids all fell asleep in the car after a tiring day. I rushed to the supermarket once I settled the kids at home and when I entered the supermarket, yes our local supermarket, the Fairprice, there was this song playing so so quietly in the background that it melted all my anxiety, my fatigue.... It was a song that we sang at praise and worship at healing mass last Saturday at St Michael's.

"You Raise Me Up"

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

There is no life - no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up... To more than I can be.

I knew then he was right there beside me.....
Thank You Lord!

The night after the urologist follow-up

That night, Tim and I went down for a walk to 7-Eleven on the pretext of buying bread so we could have a good chat. He seemed heavy. I know it bothered him.

Tim: Is there something you are trying to prove?

Me: No. What do you mean?

Tim: Are you trying to prove something on Jeremiah's expense?

Me: No. I know God has plans for Jeremiah. Plans to prosper. Not to destroy. He will be exalted of the Lord.

Tim: I'm just afraid. If making the decision is for myself, I won't be so afraid.

Me: What are you afraid of? Jeremiah blaming us like the doctor said?

Tim: Yes.

Me: I believe, Jere would not blame us for anything if we bring him up to believe what is right and what is wrong. If he chooses to blame us for anything, then we must have failed as parents and definitely deserve whatever blame there is. I believe that God will heal him.

Tim: So you are trying to prove something?

Me: No. I just feel that God has His purpose in making Jeremiah so and making us journey this life with Jeremiah. Jeremiah was made so that God's works can be seen in him. We will definitely meet with persecutions. Jesus, himself also met with lots of persecutions. No? Did He give up? No. Mother Mary saw her son suffered, but still she had absolute faith in God, our father. Mother Mary surrendered everything to our Lord. I just feel that we should just pray and have faith and surrender ourselves to Him too. Be not afraid. God goes before us always. I know there is nothing beyond our God. He is a faithful God and we just gotta stay faithful to Him.

Tim was really silent for a long while.

Me: Are you ok? So are you still worried? Disturbed?

Tim: No. I am at peace now after hearing what you said.

Me: You know what? The doctor gave us 2 weeks! Two weeks from the 26th June..... 10th July.The doctor told us to go read up on neurogenic bladder and come to a decision of a vesicostomy or do the 3 hourly Clean Intermittent Catheterisation (CIC)
When I left the clinic that day, I've already had this in mind. Read up on neurogenic bladder? No! That's not where I gonna find my answer. I had this prompting to read the book of Jeremiah and that's where I gonna find my answer. Shall we read it together and discuss about it? We should find our answer in God's word.

Tim: Ok! Let's do it!

I know this may sound almost insane, crazy, ridiculous, absurd to many of you... How could we find the answer in the bible you may say. But this is what we've decided to do so if any of you wanna join us on this journey, pick up your bible and read the whole book of Jeremiah and we can all share our thoughts about it.

Lord, help us to find the answer in your word.

Open my eyes that I may see
Glimpses of truth Thou hast for me;
Place in my hands the wonderful key
That shall unclasp and set me free.

Silently now I wait for Thee,
Ready, my God, Thy will to see;
Open my eyes, illumine me,
Spirit Divine!

Open my ears that I may hear
Voices of truth Thou sendest clear;
And while the wave notes fall on my ear,
Everything false will disappear.

Open my mouth and let me bear
Tidings of mercy everywhere;
open my heart and let me prepare
Love with Thy children thus to share.

Open my mind that I may read
More of Thy love in word and deed;
What shall I fear while yet Thou dost lead?
Only for light from Thee I plead.

SACCRE Healing Rally

Organised by the Singapore Archdiocesan Catholic Charismatic Renewal
Theme: "Under the Umbrella of God"
"If a man remains in Me, he will bear much fruit" Jn 15:5
Date: Fri 25 Apr
Time: 7.45 pm
Venue: Church
Speaker: Christian Chua

Enquiries, call Anna Pat - 97291239

Healing Mass

I think...

it's at Church of St Anthony's
7.30 or 7.45pm
23rd April 2008 Wed.
Father Augustine Mundackatt

Urodynamic Studies (UDS)

lined up for Jeremiah

15th April 2008, 1100am

Please keep Jeremiah in your prayers that the studies can only show good positive results. Yes, our Lord is faithful!
JEREMIAH WILL BE WELL! AMEN!

Healing Mass

Got last minute info

so here it is....

Healing Mass
14 April 2008
7.45pm
Church of the Holy Spirit
I heard it's Father Augustine Mundackatt

I'm Glad I live in a ....

HOUSE!
Not in a hole like a....
Jere shouted "MOUSE"!

We all cracked up when we heard Jere shouted that "MOUSE!"
I could not believe my own ears as I was in another room when Jere answered "MOUSE!" to my singing and I went, "Who said that? Was it Jere?" and the daddy and the helper proudly and happily echoed "YES!"

All of us kinda got infected by The Donut Repair Club Christian Music.

We started out with 2 vcds, 1 of which I got for Nathaniel when he was about 2 years old. Then, when I told my sister that Nat loved it, she got him another. Soon we kinda forgot about it till Jeremiah came around.

When we put it on the vcd player since jere's arrival and as the song Higher Higher played, Jeremiah would crawl all over the living room round the dining table which made us really glad as he danced for the Lord!

Then, one day, God blessed us with 6 more of such VCDs from an angel called Peck Lee whom I've never even met before! Peck Lee wanted to sell these vcds and I contacted her but later Peck Lee decided to give it to the boys hoping that they would minister to the boys and indeed they have! Praise the Lord!

Now Jere always asks for the Donut Man or another of the Psalty's vcd saying "CHURCH MOUSE CHURCH MOUSE!"

Go get your kids some donut man CDs today! It's amazing and surely wonderful to hear the kids give praise to God! ALLELUIA!